i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
