I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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