Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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