The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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