Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
