Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
