Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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