Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
