If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
