u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Randomize
