I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
