when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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