Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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