he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
