Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
