dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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