he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
