Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
