Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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