Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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