He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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