The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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