FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
