never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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