At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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