I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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