i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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