you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
