He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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