my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
