why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
