Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
