i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
