she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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