plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
