Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
