So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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