Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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