He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just want nice things and good sex
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
