Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
