my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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