my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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