god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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