I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
