WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Every concussion has its silver lining
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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