So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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