I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
