then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
