someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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