Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
