you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
