clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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