You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
