I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
