If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Damn victory sex feels great
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Dear god my vagina.
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